Guy Who

Guy who's a vegetarian except when he eats the Italian Job from 7-Eleven now and then
Guy who's mastered a variety of non-monetizable skills
Guy who tried and failed to be polyamory
Guy whose main goal in life is to never go to prison
Guy who battles despair in supermarkets
Guy who is too afraid to own an ant farm
Guy who thinks rats are charming creatures
Guy who is well suited to be an adjunct professor except for the
money part
Guy who takes solace in observing peers who are more neurotic than him
Guy can't understand people who are less neurotic than him
Guy who admires people who speak Latin
Guy who tried and failed to be religious
Guy who tried gardening but felt bored and then felt guilty about that
Guy who started getting into fist fights with other men at age 40
Guy who stopped getting into fist fights with other men at age 50
Guy who does his best reading on the bus
Guy who likes the vocalizing of frogs
Guy who feels insane when he thinks of bleached coral reefs
Guy who may be too old to do a podcast
Guy who had multiple experiences akin to Charlie Brown / Lucy / football
Guy who thinks he somehow caused this
Guy whose mind is too fragile to be a short order cook
Guy whose mind is too rambunctious to be a coder
Guy who was once capable of being in love with several people at the same time
Guy who a few times in his life heard voices (not his) chattering in his head
Guy who dreamed of a giant Christ crucified on a hillside which he (the guy) could only descend by stepping on the crucified Christ who winced in pain each time the guy stepped on him
Guy who could only smoke a maximum of six cigarettes a day but was still addicted for years
Guy who can't enjoy Scorsese films in which the protagonists are sociopaths
Guy who still can't figure out the salient differences between Songs of Innocence & Songs of Experience
Guy who wishes adults had never taught the kid version of him about hell
Guy who notices that his artist friends who haven't attended therapy are addicted insane or dead
Guy who was a different guy before the seventh grade bullying cataclysm
Guy whose the greatest work of art may have been the Neil Young royal blue and yellow jersey he silk screened in eighth grade
Guy who sang songs about heroin addiction before he knew he was singing about heroin addiction
Guy whose mind is too volatile to live in New York City
Guy who sometimes feels like a different guy and this scares him
Guy who likes the Spanish word "desmadre" for big fucking mess
Guy who remembers drinking green wine in a restaurant on a cliff in Madeira overlooking the vineyard where the grapes were from